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Sexual libido can be an
unpredictable thing, making sex life something like a roller coaster
ride. One minute you’re at a height, and the next
you’ll feel like you’ve hit a slump. Confused and
worried about it? Don’t be. If you happen to be experiencing
a decrease in your sexual libido, realize that it’s perfectly
normal and happens to the best of us.
The first thing to understand is that sex drive and sexual arousal are
two different things. Sex drive or desire refers to your interest in
sex, while sexual arousal refers to your body’s physical
response, such as the lubrication of the vagina for women or the
ability to have an erection for men. People with higher sexual libidos
find little difficulty getting aroused. Conversely, those who have
difficulty getting aroused might experience a drop in libido over time.
If sexual arousal is not a problem, but libido seems to be low, then a
doctor or health care provider might look at certain factors as
possible causes for the decline in sex drive.
1. Changes in
the pace and activities of your life
If you suddenly find
yourself in the thick of things, handling a lot more responsibilities
at work or at home, and become increasingly burdened by a hectic
schedule, you might experience a decline in your sexual drive, which
suddenly takes a back seat in the face of all that frenzy. Between
work, kids, friendships, school, hobbies, volunteer work, homemaking
and exercise, there just doesn't seem to be time for sex. When we do
get a minute of free time, often the last thing we want to do is spend
it in an amorous cuddle. And it isn’t that you
don’t want to have sex, it’s just that you
don’t seem to have the time for it.
Sex is an important part of
adult relationships. If your present busy lifestyle is the reason for
the sudden decline in libido, then you would have to find some way to
still fit it in. Scheduling sex into your calendar may make you giggle,
but if that's what it takes -- do it! Designate a night or two a week
to spend quality romantic time with your partner. Make a game of it:
take turns bringing something new to the bedroom, such as sex
toys, illustrated books,
adult
dvds or even new techniques. By
planning ahead, you're making a commitment to yourself, your partner
and the relationship, a commitment you'll keep -- just as you'd keep a
meeting you scheduled with your best friend, your child's teacher or a
business associate.
2. Stress,
Fear and Anxiety
Nothing could douse your sex
drive faster than stress. When stress, fear or anxiety hits you, sex
will most likely be the farthest thing from your mind, and with good
reason. Work dilemmas, relationship woes, family issues and money
problems can be devastating to our libidos: it's hard to feel sexy when
you're worried about the mortgage payment. Some might even be stressed
out about sex itself, harboring fears of sexually transmitted diseases
or maybe feeling inadequate about one’s sexual performance.
Such fears and anxieties can certainly dampen your mood, and hamper
your chance to have a satisfying experience.
The best step to combat stress is to ensure you maintain a healthy body
as well as a healthy mind. Keep yourself fit, exercise regularly, eat a
balanced diet and have as much rest as you can. While you’re
at it, help your mind de-stress by finding some relaxation and
meditation techniques that would work for you. Strengthen your mind by
spending time doing things that are good for you, like reading,
interacting with people. Find an outlet or hobby such as gardening or
even writing in a journal. With both a healthy mind and a healthy body,
you are better equipped to face the stressful things that are a part of
everyone’s life, and ensure you don’t have to take
the burdens with you all the way to the bedroom.
If you’ve tried all these techniques, and still feel that
stress, fear or anxiety is damaging your libido, you might try to
consider seeking professional help. If you are comfortable with the
idea, see a sex therapist. Otherwise, talking to a psychologist,
marriage counselor, or life coach might help you feel better and find a
solution to allow you to enjoy sex more.
3. Boredom
An over familiarity with
your present partner might sometimes lead to a decrease in your sex
drive. After spending quite a long time together, things sometimes
aren’t just as exciting anymore. By that time, you've pretty
much done it all ... and have ruled out or forgotten about anything
else you haven't tried. Even couples who have been dating for only a
few months can get into a sexual rut after the first flush of puppy
love has worn off.
If that is the case, it might
be time for a little spontaneity. Take the initiative to inject a bit
of variety in your sex play. View your sex as an entirely new
experience altogether by trying out new things again. Buy some sex toys
and use them together. Watch a adult dvd
together and try to emulate the actors. Read or look through some
illustrated sex guides. You might feel some initial embarrassment as
you and your partner try new experiences together, but if you both keep
open minds you'll soon find yourself having the time of your lives.
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